Dropping my poly bomb

I'm blogging an update tonight, borrowed from my post on a support group for poly people with mono partners. AMAZING group, so glad to have found them.
So here it is...

Hello All!
Hope everyone is well and enjoying their weekend. Been excited today to come here and tell you all that I dipped the teeny-tiny-tippy-tip edge of my teeny-tiny pinky toe in the conversational water today! YEA ME ! Well, yesterday, actually. Don't honestly remember what husband and I were chatting about at the time. We have a running joke about him running away with one of the sales reps that visits his office on a regular basis. I made another joke about her, he took it to the next level and I said, "well, as long as you/she got the OK from me first......". He just sort of smiled. I'd imagine he had NO INKLING that I was completely serious :) So today, we're at a party and this super attractive man (husb of the best friend of our host) walked out of the room and I said to my husband, "HOW hot is he!" My husband made a joke "Oh, so that's why you're bending seductively over the kitchen counter (I was leaning on my elblows, cutting food into little pieces for the kids) flashing your business". He and I have always been able to joke like this, ribbing one another when we notice one of us noticing someone else. :)

Neither one of us has ever acted/felt jealous or threatened. I always say, to my husband and to others, that I LIKE when my husband talks to women or if they approach him. Just makes me appreciate how great he is. Anyway, after the kids wer e down I put Swingtown on Tivo and asked him to join me. He watched and he mentioned that it had "kept his interest". I'm wondering if he's mentally connecting the dots?????? I feel glad/relieved to have started mentioning this stuff to him. VERY RELIEVED. I'm sure it's just my conscience trying to alleviate guilt, but who knows.

On another note, I've been corresponding with a new friend I met a couple of weeks ago. He's also in a commited relationship but wanting to explore polyamory. He was feeling a LOT of guilt about chatting with me without his partner knowing about me so we're putting our friendship on hold for now. I told him to file me away under "future".......{{sigh}} ....with fingers (and toes) constantly crossed.....

-annabelle

Hey Abi....

looks like we need to do some research about blog marketing. We started this to get feedback and we've had ZERO, ZIP, ZILCH, NADA, NOTHING.....

hmmm............

oh, and i bought 2 books on how to attract men on Amazon today. So weird.........

-a

You know what they say....

...about women in their 30's???? Sexual peak is what they call it! But let's be honest...they should call it "ALL HORNED UP ALL THE TIME"!!!! I am 31 and the last few months I feel like I got a brain transplant and am now living with a man's mind. I eat, sleep and dream sex!! I literally cannot keep my hands off of MY OWN SELF!! It got so bad today that I almost drove myself to the emergency room to see if they could surgically remove my hand from down my own pants!! Okay not really, but you see my point?!?! It's like I have been taken over by some crazy surge of hormones or something.....weirdest shit that's ever happened to me! I guess we'll see where it takes me. SO far, I am learning I can get along fine on my own....HA!

-Abi

Need to pick...

......myself up off the floor before I can respond to Abi's rant.......DON'T SUGAR COAT IT, SISTER!

Just ONE of the million reasons I love this woman, she tells it like it is :)

xoxoxoxoxo

-Annabelle

The Dating Man's "Must Read"

I must start out this post by saying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.....if you have any insight into any of these random questions, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to comment.....

#1. Who doesn’t carry condoms?

Note to self: If you are going out drinking to a bar/club and you don’t think you are getting laid…BRING A CONDOM! Even if you look like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame…BRING A CONDOM! There is always the slightest of chances some girl will want to nail you, drunk or sober, so BRING A CONDOM! And don’t lie, in the back of your mind, no matter if you look like Brad Pitt or Steve Carrell, you always go out thinking ‘Hey I might get laid tonight’……therefore, BRING A CONDOM! Another Note to Self: Married women DO NOT carry condoms!!


#2. Who doesn’t buy drinks?

Broke ass, not worth your time, cocky rat bastards…that’s who!

I am not saying a guy has to ply you with $10.00 drinks all night long, but if you have spent a fair amount of the evening chatting, dancing or in anyway ‘getting to know each other’, and you are running to the bar to get yourself a drink YOU OFFER TO GRAB ONE FOR HER!!!! It’s not breaking the bank boys….it’s not an invitation for marriage….IT’S A GOD DAMN $3.00 BEER!!!!! If she is not worth that minimal investment, YOU are not worth HER time!!!! Ladies pay close attention to this one!!!!


#3. Things TO DO:

Most women hooking up for the one nighter are doing it to feel some sort of something. Whether it is feeling wanted, feeling attractive, feeling chosen…..it is only for ONE GOD BLESSED NIGHT boys…work it out and make HER feel like the queen she IS!


#4. What 20-something isn’t interested in the No Strings Attached (from now on known as NSA) relationship?

This one blows my mind folks. You meet a girl, she tells you shes married, she STILL wants to nail you....there is not a more perfect situation in the world to ever be presented to you...EVER! You don't have to take her on dates, have lengthy conversations, etc.....she just wants to nail you! WORK IT OUT!!!!!


#5. Why ask for or give your phone number/e-mail if you are not interested in staying in touch?

There are polite ways to say 'Tonight was fun…but it was a one time thing’. YES SOME WOMEN DO ACTUALLY NEED TO HEAR THIS IF YOU PLAN NOT TO BE STALKED!!!! It all comes back to "Honesty is the Best Policy"!!! Remember that one boys! It drives girls mental to be ignored!! You want to be left alone....then grow a pair and SAY SO!!!!


#6. Things NOT to say:

*Blow Me – If I wanted to give you head I WOULD……no need to ask!
*Can I go down on you? - Again.....NO NEED TO ASK!!! If you head down south and you get tugged back up by your ears then the answer was no!
*Can I/May I kiss you? – NEVER EVER ASK…..it is the lamest move on the planet. Go in for the kiss and if you get the cheek then the answer was no!


#7. Things not to do:

Do not under any circumstances jam a woman’s hand down your pants repeatedly or roughly rub, IN A CIRCLE, on her pubic bone! Find the clit boys or don’t bother! Watch some porn…hell get an instructional video for crying out loud if you are clueless. And yes boys, most of the time YOU ARE CLUELESS!


#8. Not all women are wired for monogamy!!

This should not come as a shock to most men since I think deep down (okay so maybe not so deep) neither are men. But for men to have multiple partners/relationships is ‘Studly’ and for women to do it is considered ‘Slutty’. Why is this???? A little variety never killed anyone (see this is where the condom comes in handy!)


#9. A guide to mutual text sex.

It’s not rocket science….read a romance novel or two!!! The older women (the Cougars) love this shit.


#10. And last but not least, will someone please explain to me boys obsession with the Ass???

Why do men want to lick it, stick their finger in it or even their cock for fucks sake???? Maybe this just grosses me out because I am such a germaphobe...but honestly....just YUCK! I really don't see the appeal. But to each his own I guess! (UPDATE: Not as bad as I had first thought...coming around...a bit...)

-Abi

Abi's Journey....

Well let me just start off by saying that on my Wedding Day I knew I was making the 'right' decision...the 'safe' choice. Not that I didn't love my husband, but was I in love with him??? I am not really sure anymore??? I knew he would be a great partner, a wonderful father, and we shared the same ideas of what a 'married life' should be (at the time). And I promise you that on that day when I said my vows (I was raised in a very catholic home) I meant every word!

How long did it take me to break those vows.....approximately 2 years. I mentioned in my intro the infertility issues my husband and I struggled with. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and the thought of that not being a part of my life....well let's just say I found a way to keep my mind off it for a while. I was seeing someone (yes, one person) off and on, until the fertility issues started to resolve (I am the proud mother of a son and a daughter). This was someone I had known previous to getting married and had a casual relationship with prior to getting married. I'll end this by saying it was a good thing that particular relationship came to an end.

So where did my journey really being??? AHHHH that fateful, but all important, Girls Weekend in Las Vegas that I just had to go on. Mother's Day weekend 2006......that weekend is permanently imprinted on my soul! Our second night there we went out to a club and ended up meeting some boys that were in Vegas for a bachelor party. Almost immediately I was drawn to one boy in particular. Sort of quiet, FANTASTIC SMILE, real sweet....and there was just something about him....(reality check)....okay so drinks were had, many drinks, volcano's were spilled in peoples laps, some dance floor grinding, and of course the all important mounting of this poor young boy in the booth we were sitting in! Let me just pause (for a small chronic break...J/K) to say that alcohol makes me do shameful things! When I look back on that night and how it went down, HOLY LORD the shame I should feel!!! But in hindsight, I don't. We ended up back at his room (I am sure you all saw this part coming...lol).....and he was the sweetest boy ever! Very affectionate, very respectful, FANTASTIC KISSER, and of course was saying all the right things (none of which I was getting at home). I mean, OF COURSE HE WAS, HE WANTED TO GET LAID! For the first time actually having a 'fling' outside my marriage I couldn't have asked for a better scenario!

Meanwhile, I am not so good with the flings....I am getting better at it, but how can you nail someone and then never wonder about them EVER AGAIN? Not to say I wanted any sort of relationship with this boy, we lived in two different states, but an occasional e-mail or friendly text would have been nice. We e-mailed a few times and then....nothing. Since this was my first real 'fling' and all, I have to say it was hard not to get my feelings hurt. Who doesn't want and/or need a friend? Hell I am already married and live nowhere near you? Who cares if you have a girlfriend...I am not telling!! Friend with benefits at least...alot can be done now days via e-mail and text! LMAO!! Needless to say, this was the 'fling' to start ALL FUTURE 'FLINGS'!!!!

Sidenote: I did come out of that fateful trip to Vegas with a stellar confidant/guru of all things that matter (not the above mentioned boy). I swear sometimes I think he is the only honest 20-something on the planet!!! Meanwhile, he is lucky he lives as far as he does or I would probably be trying to nail him! Good lord!

So moving on....there have been a few 'flings' since then and semi-steady fling with the same guy for about a year and a half. He is divorced, a little older...HOT AS HELL....and serves his purpose. Again, gives me all the things I am not getting at home. He's great to just talk to when I need advice about my marriage (since he has already been down that path) and he is great when I don't need to talk at all! Wink Wink!!!

So there you have it folks.....the journey thus far has proven to be a difficult one. Only time will tell how it ends up.....Stay Tuned!!

-Abi

Abi's Intro

Oh where to start......

Finding Annabelle is probably the best thing to ever happen to me. It all started on a web board I'd say 6ish years ago when two women met under horrific circumstances....Infertility. Through that a bond between "sisters" was born.

We have shared so many ups and downs, it seems only logical that we would be on this journey together as well. This past year I have come to know, love and trust this woman with my life. There isn't anything I feel I could not or have not shared with her....and never once has she sat in judgment of what most would call my appalling behavior!

Although we are on this 'possibly poly'/non-monogamous journey together, our marital situation differ quite a bit. See Annabelle has a supportive, loving, for the most part happy marriage. I,on the other hand, do not. Although I (Abi) am currently working on my marriage, I have always told myself that the reason I do "step out" of my marriage is because I am unhappy in my marriage. It has only been recently that I have started to question if that is the real reason, or just something I was telling myself to feel less guilty? You see when I stop and think if my marriage was a happy one, I think I would still be "stepping out"......

You see that 'conventional box' that is a monogamous marriage, I just don't think is meant for me. Does this make me a bad person? Does this mean I don't deserve to have a family (i.e husband and kids)? Should I chose not to be married? How do you stay married and either live with or not have any guilt when you look into your spouses eyes knowing monogamy is what they signed up for? And so the journey begins.......

-Abi

Annabelle's Intro

This is the story of 2 best friends, separated by 1,700 miles but strongly suspected of being separated at birth. Cosmic twins, if you will.

Although they've been casual friends for 7 years, the cosmic twins have spent the last year strengthening their bond through phone calls, emails, text messages, too-short weekend visits and discovered an insane amount of similarities. Some trivial (our shared addiction to McDonald's vanilla iced coffee (ONE cream!)) and some life altering...

You see, the twins have both discovered that they aren't wired for monogamy.

The caveat?

They're both married.

The marriage of Annabelle and Sweet Pea is eight years strong this October. As is Abi's marriage, to the fabulous man we'll call "Hawk" .

So what's the problem?

Through hundreds of hours of conversation, self reflection and research, the twins have decided that no matter how hard they shove, push or pull, they will never fit into the box that is conventional, monogamous marriage.

They couldn't possibly count the tears.......this kind of self discovery isn't exactly easy.....or pleasant.

One of the purposes of this blog is to chronicle their journeys, as uncertain as they are.
Growing pains doesn't even BEGIN to cover it.......

-Annabelle