The Dating Man's "Must Read"

I must start out this post by saying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.....if you have any insight into any of these random questions, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to comment.....

#1. Who doesn’t carry condoms?

Note to self: If you are going out drinking to a bar/club and you don’t think you are getting laid…BRING A CONDOM! Even if you look like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame…BRING A CONDOM! There is always the slightest of chances some girl will want to nail you, drunk or sober, so BRING A CONDOM! And don’t lie, in the back of your mind, no matter if you look like Brad Pitt or Steve Carrell, you always go out thinking ‘Hey I might get laid tonight’……therefore, BRING A CONDOM! Another Note to Self: Married women DO NOT carry condoms!!


#2. Who doesn’t buy drinks?

Broke ass, not worth your time, cocky rat bastards…that’s who!

I am not saying a guy has to ply you with $10.00 drinks all night long, but if you have spent a fair amount of the evening chatting, dancing or in anyway ‘getting to know each other’, and you are running to the bar to get yourself a drink YOU OFFER TO GRAB ONE FOR HER!!!! It’s not breaking the bank boys….it’s not an invitation for marriage….IT’S A GOD DAMN $3.00 BEER!!!!! If she is not worth that minimal investment, YOU are not worth HER time!!!! Ladies pay close attention to this one!!!!


#3. Things TO DO:

Most women hooking up for the one nighter are doing it to feel some sort of something. Whether it is feeling wanted, feeling attractive, feeling chosen…..it is only for ONE GOD BLESSED NIGHT boys…work it out and make HER feel like the queen she IS!


#4. What 20-something isn’t interested in the No Strings Attached (from now on known as NSA) relationship?

This one blows my mind folks. You meet a girl, she tells you shes married, she STILL wants to nail you....there is not a more perfect situation in the world to ever be presented to you...EVER! You don't have to take her on dates, have lengthy conversations, etc.....she just wants to nail you! WORK IT OUT!!!!!


#5. Why ask for or give your phone number/e-mail if you are not interested in staying in touch?

There are polite ways to say 'Tonight was fun…but it was a one time thing’. YES SOME WOMEN DO ACTUALLY NEED TO HEAR THIS IF YOU PLAN NOT TO BE STALKED!!!! It all comes back to "Honesty is the Best Policy"!!! Remember that one boys! It drives girls mental to be ignored!! You want to be left alone....then grow a pair and SAY SO!!!!


#6. Things NOT to say:

*Blow Me – If I wanted to give you head I WOULD……no need to ask!
*Can I go down on you? - Again.....NO NEED TO ASK!!! If you head down south and you get tugged back up by your ears then the answer was no!
*Can I/May I kiss you? – NEVER EVER ASK…..it is the lamest move on the planet. Go in for the kiss and if you get the cheek then the answer was no!


#7. Things not to do:

Do not under any circumstances jam a woman’s hand down your pants repeatedly or roughly rub, IN A CIRCLE, on her pubic bone! Find the clit boys or don’t bother! Watch some porn…hell get an instructional video for crying out loud if you are clueless. And yes boys, most of the time YOU ARE CLUELESS!


#8. Not all women are wired for monogamy!!

This should not come as a shock to most men since I think deep down (okay so maybe not so deep) neither are men. But for men to have multiple partners/relationships is ‘Studly’ and for women to do it is considered ‘Slutty’. Why is this???? A little variety never killed anyone (see this is where the condom comes in handy!)


#9. A guide to mutual text sex.

It’s not rocket science….read a romance novel or two!!! The older women (the Cougars) love this shit.


#10. And last but not least, will someone please explain to me boys obsession with the Ass???

Why do men want to lick it, stick their finger in it or even their cock for fucks sake???? Maybe this just grosses me out because I am such a germaphobe...but honestly....just YUCK! I really don't see the appeal. But to each his own I guess! (UPDATE: Not as bad as I had first thought...coming around...a bit...)

-Abi