I'M BACK......

So, long time no post. Went on vacation (from here on out to be known as V.F.H. = vacation from hell)! And although I had computer access, I really didnt have much to blog about. I know, I know.....I always have something to blog about right? lol

Well I missed Annabelle like CRAZY!!! We seriously talk everyday and I about died not being able to talk to her. By day 3 I felt like I was greiving! However, this trip did give me alot of time to think and reflect on ALOT! Gave me the time I needed to get some perspective on some of my choices of late. Not that I regret any of them, because we all know that at one point or another it was exactly what I wanted, but they gave me the knowledge I need to not repeat the same mistakes.

There are a few 'special' friends I still have in my life that I am thankful for. They get 'me' and ALL my crazy B/S. THANK GOD! Cuz I have ALOT going on right now! No rules, no restrictions, no maintaining me. They let me be needy when I want and vent when I want and right now I really need that! So thanks boys! You are the best!

I guess I can agree with Annabelle that I am not very good at 'this' either!

"I'm needy. I'm demanding. I'm impatient. None of these will get you qualifed as a good friend. And it seems no matter how hard I try, I just cannot shake my expectations. If a friend is hurting and I make a gesture of comfort, it's because I want to ease their pain. I don't expect anything in return. Then when it's my turn to ache, and someone fails to put their hand out, I feel hurt. It just doesn't make any sense. I had a therapist a few years ago tell me "there is no 'should'". I agree with her and I WANT to believe that, but that's just not how it works in my world. So all of these crazy expectations I have (what do you mean you don't want to talk to me every day? Of course you do!) don't get met. So I get annoyed. Then sad. Then I call/text/IM you 400 times. Then you think I'm a psychotic stalker and quit talking to me."

I hear you SISTER SOLDIER!

-Abi