All I am going to say.....

Is where are all the SMOKIN' HOT boys in Seattle?

Go Britney!!!

(crappy video quality, sorry)

Yes, both Annabelle and I are both huge fans....obviously. Love her lyrics and she is a fantastic performer. Did I mention how freakin' SMOKIN' HOT she is??? God I miss dance/performing. I really need to get back to that in all my spare time that I am about to have! heh

This song explains my spoiled rotten ass to a 'T'!!!!!! Holy crap, everytime I hear this I get the need to get my ass out and shake it!!!!!! ;)


CIRCUS

there's only two types of people in the world
ones that entertain
and the ones that observe
well baby I'm a put-on-a-show kinda girl
dont like the backseat
gotta be first

I'm like the ringleader
I call the shots
I'm like a fire cracker
I make it hot
when I put on a show
I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
spotlight on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage
better be ready, hope that ya feel the same

all eyes on me in the center of the ring
just like a circus
when I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip
just like a circus
don't stand there watching me
follow me, show me what you can do
everybody let go, we can make a dance floor
just like a circus

there's only two types of guys out there
Ones that can hang with me
and ones that are scared
so baby, I hope that you came prepared
I run a tight ship, so beware

I'm like the ringleader
I call the shots
I'm like a fire cracker
I make it hot
when I put on a show
I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
spotlight on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage
better be ready, hope that ya feel the same

all eyes on me in the center of the ring
just like a circus
when I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip
just like a circus
don't stand there watching me
follow me, show me what you can do
everybody let go, we can make a dance floor
just like a circus
let's go
let me see what you can do
I'm running this (like, like a circus)
yeah, like a what (like a circus)

The LONGEST.....

Two weeks of my life! OMG! Papers filled out, made an offer on a townhouse and told the kids we are getting divorced! The constant state of shock/wanting to vomit still fully intact!

The kids took the news well. My son only started to cry when I did and I was so sad at the look in their eyes that I couldn't stop crying!!!!! Although, they only really seemed to care if they could bring their toys with when we sold the house. Obviously they don't fully grasp whats going on. They both immediately said 'we want to live with mommy'. I felt so bad for my husband in that moment...he looked crushed!!! So, they both seem to understand that mommy and papa aren't going to live together anymore. And for now, I stay upstairs and he stays downstairs. The living together indefinitely until our house sells was killing me so I did make an offer on a townhouse this weekend. Wish me luck!

I am nursing what seems to be the worlds longest, most painful hang over (since Wednesday). Drinking on an empty stomach and being upset at the same time don't mix. I barely made it out of bed at all on Thursday except to vomit and crawl back to bed. Thank God my kids have school on Thursdays!!! I still have little to no appetite and the worlds largest headache!

Hot sex tho...whew hot sex was had!!! AND IT'S ABOUT TIME! It had been a while and I enjoyed every single minute of it! In fact, it left me wanting M O R E!!! Too bad my time is still so limited. And actually, even if I had the time, right now I just want to be with my kids. Oh and SLEEP! Holy depression at the massive adjustment in my life! Even tho I knew it was coming, it is like I am grieving...grieving for the life I THOUGHT I wanted/had.

So that's it in a nutshell. New Year, New Beginnings! Oh, and I get to go see Annabelle towards the end of March! WOO HOO! Chicago won't know what hit 'em! Smooches LOVE! I can't wait!

-Abi

Holy GOD....

NAUGHTY Puppies on the loose.....



and if THAT were MY ass, you'd have to beg twice as hard....heh

Just another piece of evidence that

Britney is KINKY!

seriously, this song HEATS.....ME......UP




French finger tips, red lips, b!tch is dangerous
Cotton candy kiss, can’t wait for my sugar rush
Can’t take no more, I’ve got to have more tonight
This feeling so strong, I’m puttin’ you on tonight
Alright,
Let’s go

Baby take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show
Your one and only pleasure all decked in lace and leather
Fantasy, courtesy, on me, baby let’s go
Watch me apply the pressure, all decked in lace and leather

Heels 6-inch, makes a boy want to bite his lip
Look but don’t touch, unless you want to lose your innocence
Can’t take it no more, I’ve got to have more tonight
This feeling so strong, I’m puttin’ you on tonight
Let’s go

Baby take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show
Your one and only pleasure all decked in lace and leather
Fantasy, courtesy, on me, baby let’s go
Watch me apply the pressure, all decked in lace and leather
(Leather, leather, leather, leather, leather .. - till fade out)

Lace and leather, lace and leather
(Leather, leather, leather, leather, leather - till fade out)
(Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby)

Baby take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show
Your one and only pleasure all decked in lace and leather
Fantasy, courtesy, on me, baby let’s go
Watch me apply the pressure, all decked in lace and leather

Baby take a seat, eyes on me, this is my show
Your one and only pleasure all decked in lace and leather
Fantasy, courtesy, on me, baby let’s go
Watch me apply the pressure, all decked in lace and leather

Hey NOW

Yours is not better. Don't make me cut you!!!!

So the newest update is that I found a place and now we are putting our house on the market. My husband is now being so civil I don't know what to do with myself. We have started the process of telling family but still haven't completely told the kids. They know something is up since mommy and papa don't sleep in the same room together anymore, although my son just thinks its so he can sleep with me. God I love that kid! Every time I look at them I just start weeping. I love them so much and hate what this is going to do to them in the interim. But I know long term it is whats best, for them and for me.

In the mean time I am scared as hell and all of a sudden things seem to be going really fast. It went from it was 'going to happen' to 'IT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW'. I am in a constant state of weeping/wanting to vomit!

So there it is. I guess.....

-Abi

Mine is better :)

I prefer the Disney Princess version of "My Reflection":

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
or a perfect daughter
can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?

Now I see
that if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me
why is my reflection someone I don't know
somehow I cannot hide
who I am, though I've tried
when will my reflection show
who I am inside?
when will my reflection show
who I am inside?

GOOD QUESTION, DISNEY PRINCESSES!

New Year

Well, where should I start??? This past week has been a tough one (that is the understatement of the century). But it really caused me to 'reflect' on what it is that I want. I waver back and forth so often, that sometimes I don't even know the answer to that question. If you read my last post and listen to the song, it really does tell you exactly how I am feeling. It hit me like a ton a bricks when I heard it this past Wednesday. I was literally sitting at my desk at work with tears welling up in my eyes. I have always seen myself as a very strong individual (I know a few of you may find that hard to believe), but at that moment I realized I have turned into this person I don't even know anymore. And how can my husband love me or want to be married to someone who isn't even a real person? I am a version of me...a version going through the motions...a version who misses the REAL ME!

And me, being the idiot that I am, I IM'ed a 'friend' from whom I desperately needed the support from. Did I get it? Of course not. It was really not the time for this particular person to stick it to me. And as sad as it makes me, I think I just need to be done with this person. My feelings are continually being hurt by him, intentionally and unintentionally. I just need more, expect more, from my 'friends' then I am ever going to get from this person. And not that he hasn't made that quite clear in the past, but I continue to put myself out there and continue to get the same result. The sad part is that I know he can be an amazing friend if he chooses to be, but when it comes to me he cannot put down the 'control hat' long enough to go there. Anyways, by Friday night I was really down (I mean REALLY DOWN) so I sent a text to this person and of course got no response. After about, I don't even know, like 10 or 15 more texts (yes I hate to be ignored, imagine that) I finally got a response that at the time broke my heart. I really needed my friend...and he could really gives a rats hairy ass about me! All I needed was a night out with a friend for some drinks to get all this REAL LIFE craziness off my mind. A night out to just have fun with a friend and forget that tomorrow it is back to real life. ONE FUCKING NIGHT FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!! But I get it, this time I actually really do. We aren't friends. And I need to stop pretending we are.

So for the new year, I am no longer willing to be treated like a doormat! I miss the ME who used to stand up for herself no matter what! So the theme for 2009 is BE ME! Get back to being ME, the real ME! And for those of you who don't like it, get the rock out of my way! By the end of this year, the reflection I will see will be the true ME!

Unfortunately this meant I also needed a clean slate when it came to my other 'friends'. Sweet Sweet Joe, he is 86ed for too many reasons to even list. Andrew, well we can never get on the same page. Jase, well I actually haven't heard from him in a while. Todd, well he is his own basket case needing to work his own shit out and right not I can barely work MY own shit out. Tony's work schedule made it impossible for us to continue to see one another. And that's about that!

So for the time being there is only one sweet sweet boy in my world. We'll see how long he lasts. So far, he says and does all the right things. We have been chatting for about a week, so who knows how well we actually do know one another at this point. But on paper, he is a stellar friend and perfect match. We both are looking for a FWB situation (not sure if I mentioned it a while back or not, but I don't do just benefits anymore....must have the friend part). He seems amazing, I guess only time will tell.

Hey I am the first to admit I am a lot of work, hell I am alot of work for even my own self. So the challenges that must present to someone else, well......I have no words!

On the home front, I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying my kids as much a possible. Trying to offer them as much support as they need. Me having gone back to work proved to be a little more of an adjustment for them as well as me. So the quality time we do get in the evening just make me appreciate then that much more. Alot of musical beds going on at our house and I am sure you can guess as to that that is.

I have my house choices down to about 3 now and I am meeting with my realtor tomorrow afternoon to go make a final decision. Once I get that decided on and get that ball rolling I hope everything else just starts falling into place! I know I am kidding myself if I think things are going to go that smoothly, but one can hope can't she!!! ;)

Anyways, I am beat. Been up late the past few night becasue it seems to be the only time I get to myself these days. I am sure I have a ton more I could blog about because I know I am so behind, but it will have to wait for another day.

So again, New Year = New ME!

-Abi

BTW, I booked my ticket to go see Annabelle in March. Let the count down begin! 9 weeks and counting sista!!!! I can't wait to see her......