http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zok3tTtqkoI
Blame it on the cuervo......heh
-Abi
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
You can't get advice
from readers you don't have!
heh
How to "put it in the box"?????
I've never been good at that. Until my nephew died last year, I found it nearly impossible. And then the tidal wave of unbearable grief came and my brain said "cannot cope" and created a nice, tidy box to store this grief in, instead of processing it. Here and there, the lid would crack open and oily, black pain would seep into EVERY aspect of my life. I was, and am, absolutely astonished at my mind's new-found ability to compartmentalize (is this even a word???).
heh
How to "put it in the box"?????
I've never been good at that. Until my nephew died last year, I found it nearly impossible. And then the tidal wave of unbearable grief came and my brain said "cannot cope" and created a nice, tidy box to store this grief in, instead of processing it. Here and there, the lid would crack open and oily, black pain would seep into EVERY aspect of my life. I was, and am, absolutely astonished at my mind's new-found ability to compartmentalize (is this even a word???).
Enough Said
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived". ~ [William Parrish] from the movie, Meet Joe Black (1998)
-Abi
-Abi
NUMB...
Everything is coming apart at the seams and I just can't wrap my mind around any of it. I just want a life...MY LIFE...with my kids. I am a good mother, I am good at what I do (my job when I have one), I am a fantastic friend (one of the best you will ever have), I am a strong individual...but right now, I feel like completely falling apart...which I cannot do! I am SOOOOO trying to stay strong and hold it together right now. I cannot cry in front of my kids...I REFUSE! They are already so confused. I just want......I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!! I want to be selfish, do what makes me feel good for THIS MOMENT...curl up with a friend and weep uncontrolably but I can't even do that! And is that what I REALLY want? Probably not, but the alternative right now sucks and the escape, if only for a few hours, sounds fan-freaking-tastic!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XpyaRd-leA
Also, I got an 'update email' from a friend who just finished her cancer treatment and it really hit home for me with everything that's going on right now. Life is too short to not live each day to the fullest. Live, Laugh, LOVE, Lust.!!! Everyone should have that...EVERYONE...ALL THE TIME! Don't waste time being uhappy...do what makes you feel the most alive!!!!
-Abi
My mom sent this to me at the end of August. Always find truth in the stars....
Pisces - The Week Ahead*
25th August 2008 - 31st August 2008
Pluto has been a constant figure on your astrological landscape so you should be well prepared for this week's peaks and troughs. A relationship reaches its zenith or nadir and, in general, events will be over-the-top fantastic or down-in-the-depths dreary. Should you be starting out with a new person or signing up for a new commitment this will change your life in the most profound way; on the other hand, should you have been trying to make a situation work under the most trying of circumstances what takes place between now and late September could prove to be the last straw. Transformation is Pluto's brief and any which way change comes in has to be embraced whole-heartedly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XpyaRd-leA
Also, I got an 'update email' from a friend who just finished her cancer treatment and it really hit home for me with everything that's going on right now. Life is too short to not live each day to the fullest. Live, Laugh, LOVE, Lust.!!! Everyone should have that...EVERYONE...ALL THE TIME! Don't waste time being uhappy...do what makes you feel the most alive!!!!
-Abi
My mom sent this to me at the end of August. Always find truth in the stars....
Pisces - The Week Ahead*
25th August 2008 - 31st August 2008
Pluto has been a constant figure on your astrological landscape so you should be well prepared for this week's peaks and troughs. A relationship reaches its zenith or nadir and, in general, events will be over-the-top fantastic or down-in-the-depths dreary. Should you be starting out with a new person or signing up for a new commitment this will change your life in the most profound way; on the other hand, should you have been trying to make a situation work under the most trying of circumstances what takes place between now and late September could prove to be the last straw. Transformation is Pluto's brief and any which way change comes in has to be embraced whole-heartedly.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
How Is This My Life???
JESUS! I don't even know where to start except that my life (which was already a trainwreck) has been completely turned inside out and upside down in the past two days!
One minute I am having a fantastic time (best RELAXED time I have had in a LONG TIME), the next I am fighting with my IDIOT husband over the phone (which I never should have answered) and making sure he doesn't take the kids from my parents house! Holy disaster!
Long of the short, the kids and I spent the night at my parents and Saturday morning I talked to my GF, who is an attorney, and she drew up the papers for me. So I guess I am filing this week. And of course my husband is making this miserable for me and saying horrid things to the kids, like 'who do you guys want to live with?' and 'you know your mom is ruining your lives right?'....WTF, who says that to their kids? No matter how much I HATE HIM right now, I would never bad mouth him to the kids....He is their father for fucks sake! Grow up dude! Of course they are saying they want to live with us both you dillhole, they dont understand what is going on....but when he kept pushing they ultimately say they want to live with me. Is that what you wanted to hear you MORON! Make you feel better?
Anyways, just venting...AGAIN! And how is it that I am more sad about a friendship ending then I am about my marriage ending? Too much for my little heart to process right now. Emotionally EXHAUSTED! And real sad......
-Abi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln2_xzJ9jQQ
One minute I am having a fantastic time (best RELAXED time I have had in a LONG TIME), the next I am fighting with my IDIOT husband over the phone (which I never should have answered) and making sure he doesn't take the kids from my parents house! Holy disaster!
Long of the short, the kids and I spent the night at my parents and Saturday morning I talked to my GF, who is an attorney, and she drew up the papers for me. So I guess I am filing this week. And of course my husband is making this miserable for me and saying horrid things to the kids, like 'who do you guys want to live with?' and 'you know your mom is ruining your lives right?'....WTF, who says that to their kids? No matter how much I HATE HIM right now, I would never bad mouth him to the kids....He is their father for fucks sake! Grow up dude! Of course they are saying they want to live with us both you dillhole, they dont understand what is going on....but when he kept pushing they ultimately say they want to live with me. Is that what you wanted to hear you MORON! Make you feel better?
Anyways, just venting...AGAIN! And how is it that I am more sad about a friendship ending then I am about my marriage ending? Too much for my little heart to process right now. Emotionally EXHAUSTED! And real sad......
-Abi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln2_xzJ9jQQ
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
High Maintenance???
WTF is with people? Are all women in the world oppressed or complete idiots? Who doesn't ask for what they want? It is the year 2008 for fucks sake!!!! And apparently standing up for yourself and asking for what you want makes you a spoiled brat or 'high maintenance'...whatever that means.
GUESS WHAT FOLKS...SPOILED BRAT AND HIGH MAINTENANCE, PARTY OF ONE, RIGHT HERE!!!! If you can't handle the heat...GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!!!!
I don't feel I need to be 'maintained', but some fucking common courtesy would be nice!!!! Come on girls, stand up for yourselves and ask, no I am sorry, DEMAND to be treated the the Princess/Queen you are! Seriously, WTF????
-Abi
Ok, so after posting this I was checking one of the 'sites' I frequent and there was this test on there called 'The 'Am I a CRAZY Bitch' Test'......so of course I HAD to take it! My result:
* THE PARTY ANIMAL! Ok, so you are a bit crazy, but definitely not over the top. You love to have a good time, and roll with what ever is happening, but you can get a bit moody sometimes. You tend to over-do the party sometimes, and get a bit reckless, but never out of control to the point where anyone gets hurt. In relationships, you are a bit high maintenance, but nothing that can't be dealt with. You like to keep your eye on boyfriends, keep them on a short leash, and still have your fun when out with the girls. You can definitely be the 'life of the party' when out though. People love to party with you!!*
And sadly, this is MOSTLY true!!!! HA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKHU2t0wLSQ TAKE THAT!
GUESS WHAT FOLKS...SPOILED BRAT AND HIGH MAINTENANCE, PARTY OF ONE, RIGHT HERE!!!! If you can't handle the heat...GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!!!!
I don't feel I need to be 'maintained', but some fucking common courtesy would be nice!!!! Come on girls, stand up for yourselves and ask, no I am sorry, DEMAND to be treated the the Princess/Queen you are! Seriously, WTF????
-Abi
Ok, so after posting this I was checking one of the 'sites' I frequent and there was this test on there called 'The 'Am I a CRAZY Bitch' Test'......so of course I HAD to take it! My result:
* THE PARTY ANIMAL! Ok, so you are a bit crazy, but definitely not over the top. You love to have a good time, and roll with what ever is happening, but you can get a bit moody sometimes. You tend to over-do the party sometimes, and get a bit reckless, but never out of control to the point where anyone gets hurt. In relationships, you are a bit high maintenance, but nothing that can't be dealt with. You like to keep your eye on boyfriends, keep them on a short leash, and still have your fun when out with the girls. You can definitely be the 'life of the party' when out though. People love to party with you!!*
And sadly, this is MOSTLY true!!!! HA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKHU2t0wLSQ TAKE THAT!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Nothing to say
so I've lost the person i've been chatting with/learning about/bonding with/venting to/doing grief work with for the past 6 weeks.
these are the risks inherent in making new friends, I guess.
I really do feel as though my heart is broken.
I told him that i thought our connection was rare and special. He agreed. Maybe just not special enough for him to fight for.
Thinking about him a lot. A lot. Still hoping to hear from him, I guess.
These are the unorganized ramblings of a person who's spirit feels raw...tender.
Where's Abi.....
these are the risks inherent in making new friends, I guess.
I really do feel as though my heart is broken.
I told him that i thought our connection was rare and special. He agreed. Maybe just not special enough for him to fight for.
Thinking about him a lot. A lot. Still hoping to hear from him, I guess.
These are the unorganized ramblings of a person who's spirit feels raw...tender.
Where's Abi.....
Another Favorite
In constant rotation for about 3 years...or whenever my girls trip to Vegas was....HEH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEw1QqxNWAU
-Abi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEw1QqxNWAU
-Abi
Another Fight
I think my husband is finally getting it!!!
Getting out of the shower yesterday and the kids were watching TV on our bed. My son's room was a mess and my husband asked the kids to go clean it up. **Must note that they were up late the night before and eating cake and drinking pop at 9:00pm. They were both overtired and in horrid moods.** So they both were complaining/whining about having to go pick up. My son started to get up and then decided he didn't want to clean up and said so. So my husband in his normal ASSHOLE manner, grabbed him by his face and started screaming at him about a inch from his face, threatening to throw all the toys away. Of course my boy is crying and I am, per usual, standing there in amazement! I look at my husband like he is out of his mind (which at this point I am pretty sure he is) and tell him that is not how we deal with things in this house. My son goes to his room and is crying and says he is tired and wants to take a nap...husband still yelling at him...
I am, at this point, furious!!! So as soon as he is done and leaves the room, I go to talk to my son. Trying to give him some positive reinforcement. Telling him I know he is a good kid, just making bad choices. That I love him and that he needs to think about his actions before hand.
Poor kid was sobbing and telling me that he hates his papa and wants him to leave. Begging me not to leave him alone in his room. So as I am talking to him my husband comes to the door and starts listening. Thinks my way of discipline is B/S and thats why the kids 'walk all over me'. Starts yelling at me, in front of my son...if I don't like the way he does things we can leave. My answer, 'I would love to'. Should have kept my mouth shut....now he is screaming at me to pack mine and the kids stuff up and get the fuck out. I refuse to fight with him in front on my son and tell him so...still trying to bait me into a fight and tells me to come out in the living room then. At this point I am not leaving my son who is shaking and crying. My daughter has put herself in her room and is crying as well.
Ended up taking a nap with my son. He woke up and got over all the yelling, me I am still pissed. We had dinner, I played downstairs with my daughter and slept in my sons bed. So this morning my kids are asking me when Papa is leaving (he went to the football game with a friend) and my husband says 'don't worry I am leaving soon'. Me, still not saying anything. Then he mentions the family trip in a month and says to my son 'maybe we aren't going'. I say 'why?' He says 'because you don't like me'. I say 'well that doesn't mean I am going to ruin it for the kids'. He seems suprised...as if I am going to say 'oh no, I love you'.....UMMM NO! I think you are an ass and cannot wait to get me and my kids out of here! He just doesn't get it...you cannot talk to me or the kids that way and then pretend it never happened. I am just done...fed up. He is has already broken my spirit and I'll be damned if I am going to let him fuck my kids up. Do what you want and say what you want to me, DON'T FUCK WITH MY KIDS!!!!!
Okay, so this turned into a long post about my B/S....just needed a place to vent!!!! And a place to note that I am standing by my decision......must leave. This way I can come back and read this when I am wavering....
-Abi
Getting out of the shower yesterday and the kids were watching TV on our bed. My son's room was a mess and my husband asked the kids to go clean it up. **Must note that they were up late the night before and eating cake and drinking pop at 9:00pm. They were both overtired and in horrid moods.** So they both were complaining/whining about having to go pick up. My son started to get up and then decided he didn't want to clean up and said so. So my husband in his normal ASSHOLE manner, grabbed him by his face and started screaming at him about a inch from his face, threatening to throw all the toys away. Of course my boy is crying and I am, per usual, standing there in amazement! I look at my husband like he is out of his mind (which at this point I am pretty sure he is) and tell him that is not how we deal with things in this house. My son goes to his room and is crying and says he is tired and wants to take a nap...husband still yelling at him...
I am, at this point, furious!!! So as soon as he is done and leaves the room, I go to talk to my son. Trying to give him some positive reinforcement. Telling him I know he is a good kid, just making bad choices. That I love him and that he needs to think about his actions before hand.
Poor kid was sobbing and telling me that he hates his papa and wants him to leave. Begging me not to leave him alone in his room. So as I am talking to him my husband comes to the door and starts listening. Thinks my way of discipline is B/S and thats why the kids 'walk all over me'. Starts yelling at me, in front of my son...if I don't like the way he does things we can leave. My answer, 'I would love to'. Should have kept my mouth shut....now he is screaming at me to pack mine and the kids stuff up and get the fuck out. I refuse to fight with him in front on my son and tell him so...still trying to bait me into a fight and tells me to come out in the living room then. At this point I am not leaving my son who is shaking and crying. My daughter has put herself in her room and is crying as well.
Ended up taking a nap with my son. He woke up and got over all the yelling, me I am still pissed. We had dinner, I played downstairs with my daughter and slept in my sons bed. So this morning my kids are asking me when Papa is leaving (he went to the football game with a friend) and my husband says 'don't worry I am leaving soon'. Me, still not saying anything. Then he mentions the family trip in a month and says to my son 'maybe we aren't going'. I say 'why?' He says 'because you don't like me'. I say 'well that doesn't mean I am going to ruin it for the kids'. He seems suprised...as if I am going to say 'oh no, I love you'.....UMMM NO! I think you are an ass and cannot wait to get me and my kids out of here! He just doesn't get it...you cannot talk to me or the kids that way and then pretend it never happened. I am just done...fed up. He is has already broken my spirit and I'll be damned if I am going to let him fuck my kids up. Do what you want and say what you want to me, DON'T FUCK WITH MY KIDS!!!!!
Okay, so this turned into a long post about my B/S....just needed a place to vent!!!! And a place to note that I am standing by my decision......must leave. This way I can come back and read this when I am wavering....
-Abi
Saturday, September 20, 2008
2nd "biggest"
issue in my life right now, besides the bending over backwards to keep my husband engaged.
http://annabellevlb.livejournal.com/
http://annabellevlb.livejournal.com/
Props
"High pitched screaming noise"
LOVE IT!
Just another box to check on the "why you're my bestest pal" worksheet....you're fucking hysterical!
heh!
And I'm so so so so sorry for being unavailable lately. Working dilligently on saving my marriage, this is rather time consuming :)
I do plan to blog about what's been going on at my house. Hope to find time this weekend.
Love you sister
LOVE IT!
Just another box to check on the "why you're my bestest pal" worksheet....you're fucking hysterical!
heh!
And I'm so so so so sorry for being unavailable lately. Working dilligently on saving my marriage, this is rather time consuming :)
I do plan to blog about what's been going on at my house. Hope to find time this weekend.
Love you sister
Thursday, September 18, 2008
*HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING NOISE*
I want to claw my own eyes out. FCK FCK FCK! I talked to Annabelle yesterday about what was bothering me and I should have not ever said anything to her. She has so much going on right now that it was not fair of me to add to her shit. I literally cannot live without her in my life.
Another fight with my husband today about when Annabelle is coming to visit (three weeks and counting...thank God). He doesn't want us staying in the city...he came up with 5,000 ridiculous excuses for why we shouldn't. All of them LAME! I lost count of how many times he told me to 'fuck off', etc. I just sat silent, listened to his rant, and as usual waited for him to calm down and be rational. He is still mad, but whatever...what is he going to do, divorce me???
It's like with every passing day, I am more sure about my decision to leave. Another month of this and I may indeed go CRAZY! Think I have found a full time job so its only a matter of time. The waiting is killing me. I am not a patient person...as if you couldn't already see that, right?
Maybe I should just devote my life to work and being a mom. Screw fun...career and parenting. As of right now, until I go back to work I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think about EVERYTHING! Someone needs to confiscate my computer and cell....SERIOUSLY! Annabelle, where is my 'put the fucking phone down....step away from the keyboard' voice commands? Miss you....
-Abi
Sidebar: I have a 'date' next week...who has 'dates' and still lives with their spouse (ok people in an open relationship do...but open is not my marriage)???? I keep telling myself it's just lunch and he is just a friend, but I am such a mess right now that I think I might cancel.
UPDATE: DEFINATELY CANCELLING.....
Another fight with my husband today about when Annabelle is coming to visit (three weeks and counting...thank God). He doesn't want us staying in the city...he came up with 5,000 ridiculous excuses for why we shouldn't. All of them LAME! I lost count of how many times he told me to 'fuck off', etc. I just sat silent, listened to his rant, and as usual waited for him to calm down and be rational. He is still mad, but whatever...what is he going to do, divorce me???
It's like with every passing day, I am more sure about my decision to leave. Another month of this and I may indeed go CRAZY! Think I have found a full time job so its only a matter of time. The waiting is killing me. I am not a patient person...as if you couldn't already see that, right?
Maybe I should just devote my life to work and being a mom. Screw fun...career and parenting. As of right now, until I go back to work I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think about EVERYTHING! Someone needs to confiscate my computer and cell....SERIOUSLY! Annabelle, where is my 'put the fucking phone down....step away from the keyboard' voice commands? Miss you....
-Abi
Sidebar: I have a 'date' next week...who has 'dates' and still lives with their spouse (ok people in an open relationship do...but open is not my marriage)???? I keep telling myself it's just lunch and he is just a friend, but I am such a mess right now that I think I might cancel.
UPDATE: DEFINATELY CANCELLING.....
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
It Cannot Be This Difficult...
Ok, so let me start by saying I am a complete spoiled brat and I ALWAYS get what I want. My world revolves around me and ONLY me! (ok and my kids...but for this particular rant...just me)!
Maybe I am needy, maybe I am complicated...but for fucks sake, does anyone know how to have a good time anymore with out setting up some sort of boundaries/rules? Can't it just be what it is? JESUS!
I am never dating AGAIN! When I am finally divorced...I am shutting my cell phone off, no numbers exchanged, no emails exchanged. I am picking random boys up...where...a bar maybe... nailing them and NEVER talking to them again. EVER! Apparently that is how it is supposed to work........who knew? 'Women get to emotionally involved'. Guess what WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL!
Ok, rewind...I am feeling completely neglected lately, so much so that my husband almost seems appealing. WTF?? My bestest pal has her plate full and she is literally the only one I can talk to about any of this crazy shit! And everytime I meet someone with whom I feel comfortable talking to about my shit, I fuck it up and sleep with them. There goes that friendship! I need to stop doing that...I need to just have friends...JUST FRIENDS. Which in turn means I am not allowed to EVER drink!
Sorry for letting all my dirty laundry air here but I seriously have NO ONE to talk to at this point! SUCH A GOD BLESSED TRAINWRECK!
-Abi
Maybe I am needy, maybe I am complicated...but for fucks sake, does anyone know how to have a good time anymore with out setting up some sort of boundaries/rules? Can't it just be what it is? JESUS!
I am never dating AGAIN! When I am finally divorced...I am shutting my cell phone off, no numbers exchanged, no emails exchanged. I am picking random boys up...where...a bar maybe... nailing them and NEVER talking to them again. EVER! Apparently that is how it is supposed to work........who knew? 'Women get to emotionally involved'. Guess what WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL!
Ok, rewind...I am feeling completely neglected lately, so much so that my husband almost seems appealing. WTF?? My bestest pal has her plate full and she is literally the only one I can talk to about any of this crazy shit! And everytime I meet someone with whom I feel comfortable talking to about my shit, I fuck it up and sleep with them. There goes that friendship! I need to stop doing that...I need to just have friends...JUST FRIENDS. Which in turn means I am not allowed to EVER drink!
Sorry for letting all my dirty laundry air here but I seriously have NO ONE to talk to at this point! SUCH A GOD BLESSED TRAINWRECK!
-Abi
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Surprise, Surprise...
Not a good egg after all! Did anyone think it would turn out any different for me????
Whatever, fuck 'em!
-Abi
UPDATE: Turns out maybe I was wrong, could be a good egg after all...but not holding my breath! HA
Whatever, fuck 'em!
-Abi
UPDATE: Turns out maybe I was wrong, could be a good egg after all...but not holding my breath! HA
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Never Been More Sure
It's official, I cannot wait to get out of this marriage! Not even for the freedom to 'date', but just the freedom PERIOD! If I never go on a single date or never have sex again (ok wait, let's not get too ahead of ourselves - whew that was a close one) I would be happy as long as I am free to chose to do what I want!
Did I mention I LOVE BOYS! Good Lord!!!! I love them, I love them, I love them. I have met a few lately that challenge me, my way of thinking. One in particular has really got my panties in a bunch! HA! Cannot seem to stop thinking about him (ok, let's be honest, cannot stop thinking about nailing him)...not in a love type way, just an interesting 'f'riend' type way! (yes I SAID FRIEND) Very unexpected....He seems like a good egg....We'll see!
-Abi
Did I mention I LOVE BOYS! Good Lord!!!! I love them, I love them, I love them. I have met a few lately that challenge me, my way of thinking. One in particular has really got my panties in a bunch! HA! Cannot seem to stop thinking about him (ok, let's be honest, cannot stop thinking about nailing him)...not in a love type way, just an interesting 'f'riend' type way! (yes I SAID FRIEND) Very unexpected....He seems like a good egg....We'll see!
-Abi
Friday, September 12, 2008
ANNOYED
I finally got the courage to talk to my parents about leaving my husband and they were not as supportive as I had hoped. And after spending most of the day weeping at their house there was no way my husband wasnt going to notice something was up. So I finally decided to just tell him what had been on my mind. Now of course he wasnt shocked, but instead said that he would stay in this marriage forever, regardless of if he loved me, because 'after you have kids, that's what your supposed to do'! UMM NO IT ISN'T MORON!!!!!! Seriously, sometimes it's like I live in the twilight zone!
Anyways, we are ONCE AGAIN, going to try and work on things (or at least he thinks we are). Meanwhile, I am going back to work, getting my shit together and after our 'family trip' with the kids at the end of October, I AM OUT! PEACE! SEE YA!
Once you lose respect for someone, its real hard to get that back. And for the most part, neither of us respect each other! But the main thing is that we both know we need to do whats best for the kids and that they come first. We have different ideas of what that should be....but in the end we will always do what it right for them. And as for me, I don't think growing up in a home with parents who can barely stand the sight of each other is healthy at all. And deep down, I don't think he does either.
-Abi
BTW, totally missing Annabelle lately. She has her own stuff going on, but she is my lifeline from all this insanity....just miss her. :(
We don't seem to be agreeing on much lately...really bumming me out! *sigh* When everyone around you thinks your crazy/wrong and the one person who is keeping you sane by telling you your not isn't around....it's hard not to start to think that there is something wrong with you. I guess we'll see.
Anyways, we are ONCE AGAIN, going to try and work on things (or at least he thinks we are). Meanwhile, I am going back to work, getting my shit together and after our 'family trip' with the kids at the end of October, I AM OUT! PEACE! SEE YA!
Once you lose respect for someone, its real hard to get that back. And for the most part, neither of us respect each other! But the main thing is that we both know we need to do whats best for the kids and that they come first. We have different ideas of what that should be....but in the end we will always do what it right for them. And as for me, I don't think growing up in a home with parents who can barely stand the sight of each other is healthy at all. And deep down, I don't think he does either.
-Abi
BTW, totally missing Annabelle lately. She has her own stuff going on, but she is my lifeline from all this insanity....just miss her. :(
We don't seem to be agreeing on much lately...really bumming me out! *sigh* When everyone around you thinks your crazy/wrong and the one person who is keeping you sane by telling you your not isn't around....it's hard not to start to think that there is something wrong with you. I guess we'll see.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Holy Unbeleivable Decision...
My life is now an official TRANWRECK! I am 99.9% sure I want out of my marriage and just when I think I am ready to leave and things cant get any worse, Mr. Nice Guy makes an appearance and pulls me right back in. Even though Mr. Nice Guy only sticks around for a few hours a week....that guy I can actually stand. It's the asshole he is most of the time that is driving me insane. I know leaving is what's best for me and the kids, I just need to grow a pair and DO IT! I just keep telling myself...all in good time. I want the least amount of disruption in my kids lives...don't want to have to move them around from my parents to an apt to a house.
So with all my new found revelations, I guess we'll see where I end up! Looking at a house...a little small but big enuf for me and the kids with a nice yard. Good neighborhood! Wish me luck!
-Abi
P.S. Not that one has anything to do with the other, but I met a real great guy (who ended up being really creepy/pervy). We'll see how it works out. I am so done with the relationship b/s....just nice to have a friend with benefits. Benefits come in handy when you don't plan on dating! heh
So with all my new found revelations, I guess we'll see where I end up! Looking at a house...a little small but big enuf for me and the kids with a nice yard. Good neighborhood! Wish me luck!
-Abi
P.S. Not that one has anything to do with the other, but I met a real great guy (who ended up being really creepy/pervy). We'll see how it works out. I am so done with the relationship b/s....just nice to have a friend with benefits. Benefits come in handy when you don't plan on dating! heh
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Back from visiting Annabelle
Hands down.....one of the best weekends ever. God I love her! And I love Chicago. Oh and I LOVE BOYS! Holy jesus!
I will add more about my weekend later....to exhausted to type right now! ;)
-Abi
UPDATE: I had a blast in Chicago...love the night life, love Annabelle, love her kids, oh and LOVE her husband......no seriously, love him. Shame on me!!! Lots of dancing and lots of boys! I was so sick the entire time I was there, but that didn't stop us from having a good time.....puke and rally sister. Love me some JBC! Never ever knock that place again...EVER! Miss you already pal....
I will add more about my weekend later....to exhausted to type right now! ;)
-Abi
UPDATE: I had a blast in Chicago...love the night life, love Annabelle, love her kids, oh and LOVE her husband......no seriously, love him. Shame on me!!! Lots of dancing and lots of boys! I was so sick the entire time I was there, but that didn't stop us from having a good time.....puke and rally sister. Love me some JBC! Never ever knock that place again...EVER! Miss you already pal....
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