Connection Overload

I'm a connector.
I talk to my best friend, Abi, via phone, text and/or IM at least 3 times EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Every. Day.
I spend a lot of time and emotional energy thinking about, talking to or talking about, my friends and family.
In fact, my marriage is right now in jeopardy because of my need to connect.
And the saddest part is that I'm realizing that I'm just not very good at it.

I'm needy. I'm demanding. I'm impatient. None of these will get you qualifed as a good friend.
And it seems no matter how hard I try, i just cannot shake my expectations. If a friend is hurting and I make
a gesture of comfort, it's because I want to ease their pain. I don't expect anything in return. Then when it's
my turn to ache, and someone fails to put their hand out, i feel hurt. It just doesn't make any sense.
I had a therapist a few years ago tell me "there is no 'should'". I agree with her and I WANT to believe that,
but that's just not how it works in my world.

So all of these crazy expectations I have (what do you mean you don't want to talk to me every day?
of course you do!) don't get met. So I get annoyed. Then sad. Then I call/text/IM you 400 times.
Then you think I'm a psychotic stalker and quit talking to me.

Did I mention I'm not very good at this?

Seriously...

Some people have lost their ever loving minds or started smoking CRACK!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qux6PhqbBBU

FUCK YOU!

-Abi

Lyrical Advice...and I'm Heeding It

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrn17soPpQQ

-Abi

Fantastic Weekend

Well Annabelle left this morning (I weeped all the way home from the airport) and I am so sad that I probably wont see her again until spring. God I love that girl!!!! Cannot beleive she doesn't live here.....totally blows.

But our weekend was amazing!!! Drinking and dancing. My cousin eneded up out with us on Friday which was fantasic. I miss her like crazy too. She is a hoot!! We had a blast. A few other friends met us there too, so it worked out for the best! ;) Got caught in the midst of a frat boy scuffle so I left with a boot print (tread and all) on the back of my calve, finger prints on one of my arms and I lost a sassy shoe! What a disaster...lol. All in all Friday was pretty fun!

Saturday was again, a BLAST. Except for the fact that Annabelle got so drunk (she swears she was rufied, she only had 2 or 3 drinks) we had to leave (after I pulled her head out of the toilet in the restroom). Then she horked out the window of my car (so nasty) and she continued to hork every half hour or so once we got back to our room. I felt so bad for her. She never gets thats drunk...EVER! It's usually her taking care of me. I was very proud of myself this weekend, kept my drinking semi under control. ;) I am such a lush! lol

Tried not to make as many bad choices as I usually do. Stay under control and composed. I did okay! Late Saturday night I made the decision to delete some numbers from my phone that needed to be deleted. Need a fresh start and a fresh perspective. Yea for me!!!!

Oh and Friday on the way to our hotel, we got rear ended by a School Bus on the Freeway. We both were so sore for the rest of the weeknd, but luckily not too much damage to my car. Poor Annabelle, we got hit by a bus and then she gets piss drunk two nights in a row and ends up horking all weekend. Nice trip! And once again, she saw pretty much none of Seattle (not that she cared in the least).

I havent slept in three days..HOLY TIRED BATMAN!

-Abi

WE'RE BACK!!!

Annabelle is here and I cannot contain how excited I am. When I got to the airport to pick her up and I finally saw her, I jumped out of the car screaming like a school girl and gave her the biggest hug! So much fun is going to be had this weekend, I don't even know where to start! I still am in awe that she is actually here. She was tired from the flight, but I am all jacked up and cannot sleep! Imagine that, right?

On a lighter note, I did some reflecting today and I realized life is too short, time is too short to waste on things/people which are not meant to be. I am a fantastic catch (whether it be NSA, FWB, HLF, Boo-tay call, whatever you want to call it) and anyone who can't see past the immediate B/S isn't really worth my time anyway! Just need to remind myself of this from time to time. Why can't people just say what they mean and mean what they say...no games...no B/S! No more energy wasted......

-Abi

Puzzle

My view is that life is a jigsaw puzzle.
People you meet, relationships, activities,
personal growth, all add pieces to the puzzle.
Sometimes you meet someone who drops a
pre-assembled chunk of pieces into your puzzle all at once.
The puzzle frame is flexible, and can expand
to accomodate more pieces over time.
None of the existing pieces need be removed
or their contribution to the overall picture diminished.
The other pieces just add to the richness of the picture overall!!

I'm SO Excited! (in a signing voice)

For a few reasons:

#1. My bestest pally pal pal will be here in less than 24 hours and I cannot wait to hug the bejesus out of her! I may sit on her lap the entire time she is here just to be THAT close to her. I did mention that I love her, right? We are going to have an amazing weekend.

#2. The house I really had my eye on and heart set on went back on the market. It's FATE I tell you! The cutest little Cape Cod you ever did see (and when I say little, I mean little)! I love it! Hope it works out!

#3. It has been so freeing this week to know that I am completely over my Ex. That was a long time coming...but whew...glad its over. We had a cordial conversation, hugged goodbye and now I can close that chapter! Now if I could just close the chapter that is Vegas Boy I'd be on my way to complete emotional freedom!

#4. Met a cute boy who is funny, smart, incredibly HOT, and has his own place. So we will see where that goes. He makes me laugh and that is so important. Must know how to have a good time!

Unfortunately there is a #5, but it is nothing to be excited about. Someone with whom I had began to care about (at least as a friend) and semi-understand (I think), decided we can no longer see each other due to the trainwreck that is my life right now. Which I can't really blame him for, but fuck it was so much fun! He says "he's done". I am so not ready to be done or give up the fun or the getting to really know him. Bad choices were made on my part and I get that I can no longer take them back, but doesnt everyone make bad choices? Why do two bad choices have to be the be all and end all of EVERYTHING that was good and fun? I just don't get it!

My friend Kevin once told me:

"Dont let anyone/thing rent space in your head. If you're thinkin' about things that you can't change then IT really wins and it will just drive you crazy! If I get thinkin' about all the shit from my past then I'd go fuckin crazy too, nutty-er than squirrel turds my friend."

Well said Kevin...Now if I could just figure out the letting go part. Any ideas on that?

-Abi

Interesting Saturday Night

Where to start? It started out with drinks with the girls at the bowling alley at 6:00, and by 6:30 I was half in the bag. I know, suprise suprise!!!

Then one of my GF's and I left to go to a brewery and guess what, it was October Fest. Lucky us! And then, I ran into an ex who I had unresolved issues with and its been, ummm lets see...4 or so years since we saw each other last. Needless to say it was horridly uncomfortable, small talked ensued and as my GF's and I were leaving we had a semi-awkward hug. But the best thing about it was that I FELT NOTHING! Completely over him! WOOO HOOO! I cannot explain to you how freeing that is. He is THE ONE....everyone has that one...the one who got away...or the one with whom things ended badly and you have been dying to see them again and be the bigger person (which by the way I totally was). And I looked fantastic (yes tooting my own horn). It was an amazing feeling to walk away and finally be ok with walking away! Yea me!!!!

Okay enough about that. So we left the brewery and met up with the rest of the girls at an Irish Pub up the street and I continued my sprial into complete intoxication. By 11:00 I was completely wasted and after going out side to get some fresh air and make a phone call (which never should have been made), I had to switch to water because when I finally came back in and sat down to take a break from the dance floor the room was spinning. I literally had a straw in a PITCHER of water. It is the only thing that saved me from not passing out in our booth or puking my guts out. Needless to say I spent the rest of the night on the dance floor in my own little world having a fantastic time. Oh and LOTS OF CUTE BOYS to dance with! However, it was so hot and muggy in there that I had sweat dripping from the back of my hair. I think I did mention somewhere in one of my posts that I love music and that I love to dance. We closed the bar down and I headed home (after stopping for some all important Taco Bell...lol)!

All in all it was a very bizarre, yet eye opening evening. Even drunk me sees people for who they truly are, as well as realizing I am not the person I want to be and/or like to be when I drink that much! At one point there were some (ok alot) of text messages exchanged with a 'friend' which should never have been sent or replied to. Just horrible all around. Seriously, someone needs to confiscate my phone after the first drink because I always end up doing stupid shit I regret in the morning. However, I also feel that sometimes you just gotta put it out there and not worry about the consequences. Ask for what you want and say what you mean. I think on both counts on both sides that was pretty well taken care of. I guess maybe from now on, just to play it safe, I think I'll leave me cell in the car...maybe even at home.

-Abi

RULES SUCK...

SO THERE!!! :-P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxls5ZB_zS0

-Abi

Better In Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrNoDUblAtE

I am a total Music and TV junkie, as if you hadn't already noticed, but I was watching one of my 'girlie' shows tonight and this song hit me like a tons of bricks. I am so ready to move on and be happy...I mean REALLY happy. With myself, my life, my kids, my career. I want to wake up everyday excited for what's to come, not dreading it. Wake up smiling! Not much makes that happen anymore, except the thought of finally being free....free to do what I choose. To not have to ask permission or worry about consequences. To LIVE! And be true to the person I AM. I miss ME!!! And btw, I ROCK! ;)

-Abi


And you must watch the entire clip from the link below...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1nFkmz4HUQ&feature=related

I mean, honestly, who is this freakin' HOT! When he writes his phone number on her leg with the sharpie (if only you could hear the actual things being said) and then in the apartment when he sits her on the drafting table and rips her panty hose....HOLY HOTNESS!

Wow, did it just get really hot in here? ;)

Anyone? Anyone?

Can someone please point me in the direction of the nearest AA or NA meeting?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

-Abi