Abi's Journey....

Well let me just start off by saying that on my Wedding Day I knew I was making the 'right' decision...the 'safe' choice. Not that I didn't love my husband, but was I in love with him??? I am not really sure anymore??? I knew he would be a great partner, a wonderful father, and we shared the same ideas of what a 'married life' should be (at the time). And I promise you that on that day when I said my vows (I was raised in a very catholic home) I meant every word!

How long did it take me to break those vows.....approximately 2 years. I mentioned in my intro the infertility issues my husband and I struggled with. I always knew I wanted to be a mother and the thought of that not being a part of my life....well let's just say I found a way to keep my mind off it for a while. I was seeing someone (yes, one person) off and on, until the fertility issues started to resolve (I am the proud mother of a son and a daughter). This was someone I had known previous to getting married and had a casual relationship with prior to getting married. I'll end this by saying it was a good thing that particular relationship came to an end.

So where did my journey really being??? AHHHH that fateful, but all important, Girls Weekend in Las Vegas that I just had to go on. Mother's Day weekend 2006......that weekend is permanently imprinted on my soul! Our second night there we went out to a club and ended up meeting some boys that were in Vegas for a bachelor party. Almost immediately I was drawn to one boy in particular. Sort of quiet, FANTASTIC SMILE, real sweet....and there was just something about him....(reality check)....okay so drinks were had, many drinks, volcano's were spilled in peoples laps, some dance floor grinding, and of course the all important mounting of this poor young boy in the booth we were sitting in! Let me just pause (for a small chronic break...J/K) to say that alcohol makes me do shameful things! When I look back on that night and how it went down, HOLY LORD the shame I should feel!!! But in hindsight, I don't. We ended up back at his room (I am sure you all saw this part coming...lol).....and he was the sweetest boy ever! Very affectionate, very respectful, FANTASTIC KISSER, and of course was saying all the right things (none of which I was getting at home). I mean, OF COURSE HE WAS, HE WANTED TO GET LAID! For the first time actually having a 'fling' outside my marriage I couldn't have asked for a better scenario!

Meanwhile, I am not so good with the flings....I am getting better at it, but how can you nail someone and then never wonder about them EVER AGAIN? Not to say I wanted any sort of relationship with this boy, we lived in two different states, but an occasional e-mail or friendly text would have been nice. We e-mailed a few times and then....nothing. Since this was my first real 'fling' and all, I have to say it was hard not to get my feelings hurt. Who doesn't want and/or need a friend? Hell I am already married and live nowhere near you? Who cares if you have a girlfriend...I am not telling!! Friend with benefits at least...alot can be done now days via e-mail and text! LMAO!! Needless to say, this was the 'fling' to start ALL FUTURE 'FLINGS'!!!!

Sidenote: I did come out of that fateful trip to Vegas with a stellar confidant/guru of all things that matter (not the above mentioned boy). I swear sometimes I think he is the only honest 20-something on the planet!!! Meanwhile, he is lucky he lives as far as he does or I would probably be trying to nail him! Good lord!

So moving on....there have been a few 'flings' since then and semi-steady fling with the same guy for about a year and a half. He is divorced, a little older...HOT AS HELL....and serves his purpose. Again, gives me all the things I am not getting at home. He's great to just talk to when I need advice about my marriage (since he has already been down that path) and he is great when I don't need to talk at all! Wink Wink!!!

So there you have it folks.....the journey thus far has proven to be a difficult one. Only time will tell how it ends up.....Stay Tuned!!

-Abi