*HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING NOISE*

I want to claw my own eyes out. FCK FCK FCK! I talked to Annabelle yesterday about what was bothering me and I should have not ever said anything to her. She has so much going on right now that it was not fair of me to add to her shit. I literally cannot live without her in my life.

Another fight with my husband today about when Annabelle is coming to visit (three weeks and counting...thank God). He doesn't want us staying in the city...he came up with 5,000 ridiculous excuses for why we shouldn't. All of them LAME! I lost count of how many times he told me to 'fuck off', etc. I just sat silent, listened to his rant, and as usual waited for him to calm down and be rational. He is still mad, but whatever...what is he going to do, divorce me???

It's like with every passing day, I am more sure about my decision to leave. Another month of this and I may indeed go CRAZY! Think I have found a full time job so its only a matter of time. The waiting is killing me. I am not a patient person...as if you couldn't already see that, right?

Maybe I should just devote my life to work and being a mom. Screw fun...career and parenting. As of right now, until I go back to work I have too much time on my hands and too much time to think about EVERYTHING! Someone needs to confiscate my computer and cell....SERIOUSLY! Annabelle, where is my 'put the fucking phone down....step away from the keyboard' voice commands? Miss you....

-Abi

Sidebar: I have a 'date' next week...who has 'dates' and still lives with their spouse (ok people in an open relationship do...but open is not my marriage)???? I keep telling myself it's just lunch and he is just a friend, but I am such a mess right now that I think I might cancel.

UPDATE: DEFINATELY CANCELLING.....