NUMB...

Everything is coming apart at the seams and I just can't wrap my mind around any of it. I just want a life...MY LIFE...with my kids. I am a good mother, I am good at what I do (my job when I have one), I am a fantastic friend (one of the best you will ever have), I am a strong individual...but right now, I feel like completely falling apart...which I cannot do! I am SOOOOO trying to stay strong and hold it together right now. I cannot cry in front of my kids...I REFUSE! They are already so confused. I just want......I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!!! I want to be selfish, do what makes me feel good for THIS MOMENT...curl up with a friend and weep uncontrolably but I can't even do that! And is that what I REALLY want? Probably not, but the alternative right now sucks and the escape, if only for a few hours, sounds fan-freaking-tastic!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XpyaRd-leA

Also, I got an 'update email' from a friend who just finished her cancer treatment and it really hit home for me with everything that's going on right now. Life is too short to not live each day to the fullest. Live, Laugh, LOVE, Lust.!!! Everyone should have that...EVERYONE...ALL THE TIME! Don't waste time being uhappy...do what makes you feel the most alive!!!!

-Abi

My mom sent this to me at the end of August. Always find truth in the stars....

Pisces - The Week Ahead*
25th August 2008 - 31st August 2008
Pluto has been a constant figure on your astrological landscape so you should be well prepared for this week's peaks and troughs. A relationship reaches its zenith or nadir and, in general, events will be over-the-top fantastic or down-in-the-depths dreary. Should you be starting out with a new person or signing up for a new commitment this will change your life in the most profound way; on the other hand, should you have been trying to make a situation work under the most trying of circumstances what takes place between now and late September could prove to be the last straw. Transformation is Pluto's brief and any which way change comes in has to be embraced whole-heartedly.